Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
