the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
