Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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