you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
