Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
