Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
