My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
