My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
