Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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