where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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