like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
