Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
