i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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