Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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