yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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