About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
