i may or may not be watching the land before time
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
