there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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