Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
