The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
