I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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