that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
