don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
