my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
