I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
