Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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