When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
