I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
honey bunches of taint.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
