1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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