everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
