I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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