Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
