I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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