And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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