i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
