is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
