I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
