is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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