careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
