saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
