a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
