I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
