I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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