Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
