Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
