I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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