im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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