ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
