LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
