Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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